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Sometimes known as Anne or Ingrid. Not sure why. I grok Twitter. Director of #ffthefilm. http://t.co/VtTudFjXyo

2,626 Following   6,864 Followers   100,738 Tweets

Join Twitter 1/28/09

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The tickets to tonight's baseball game cost half as much as a beer lol padres.@SwoozyC if you figure out, tell me#ITFDB https://t.co/h417njnvDY@dixiechickidie tribute for sureActually kind of surprised Disney hasn't sent that woman's arm a cease and desist.Just saw a woman with a Disney princess tattoo. I have feelings about this.@thundercrat sorryI just remembered Robin Williams is dead. Fuck. Scafe out.EARN EXTRA INCOME IN YOUR SPARE TIME BY SHOOTING AN UNARMED BLACK TEEN CLICK HERE TO LEARN HOW
Retweeted by Erin Faulk@rachelkiley @kyliesparks @patmuldowney ok well I'm sleeping now but remind me tomorrow@FightOnTwist holy shit. You're for real.@rachelkiley @kyliesparks @patmuldowney wait are you on the list$112,000. Welp. http://t.co/YdRpM9hH0O@FightOnTwist HOLY SHIT YES@kyliesparks @patmuldowney dammit DM me your email. Next one is in sept.@kyliesparks @patmuldowney wait are you not on the evite list@FightOnTwist oh. my. god.@kyliesparks @patmuldowney why don't either of you come to game night. It's super fun.@patmuldowney @kyliesparks *trying*Everything a woman could ever want. RT @grisuy: What am I even looking at? RT @michaeljhudson: http://t.co/LkY8syDCYj
Retweeted by Erin Faulk@kyliesparks @patmuldowney fair@kyliesparks @patmuldowney sorry I have to be a part of my family for like two weeks@IamErikRussel see you soon@_drewseph surprisingly, only slightly.@patmuldowney WA stateGood night, you guys.I may be snarky, I may be sarcastic. But I want you all to wake up safe and sound tomorrow. Be well. Be kind. Be useful. Don't be a dick.Before I go though, here's a reminder:Time for bed. Because I can't possibly drink this bottle of wine myself.Choose the right. RT @chang_koo: @erinscafe I'm glad you survived the year. It's like stepping back into the 50s. Btw, what's CTR?@patmuldowney @KirstenS ugh fine whatever
8/21
2014
@SoBendito @SwoozyC wait what@panic13B I'm sure it's there. But remind me when I'm sober.@patmuldowney @KirstenS god yes. btw, I'm leaving town for a bit. Can ou make it to the Dodger game tomorrow night? Super cheap tickets.@rjlackie thank youBtw, if you want to know more about my time at BYU, here are the reasons I was asked to not return. https://t.co/YllU3Fuqmh@GlennF HA. I'm right-handed, have studied Latin, and have been to Dublin. Amateur,@GlennF um, that's a secret obsession of mine, thanks for noticingMy mom is cruel, you guys.Like, FIRST thing. And he asked if I was around. And my mom said no. And then handed him a wedding invitation.Epilogue: about 2 months before my wedding, this guy I dated in high school came home from his mission. And he came to my parents' house.It's so useful. RT @penstone: @erinscafe and so many of us have the fake engagement ring for going out purposes as wellThat story is short. Mormonism taught me to question. RT @astralhaze25: @erinscafe So let's hear about how you stopped being Mormon.@ljmilman oh jesus@JoeUchill srslyI still have half a bottle of prosecco.@erinscafe bravo but I'm holding out for the Middle East version of Guys and Dolls some other time because EPIC
Retweeted by Erin Faulk@Asa_Fire @JoeUchill watch for falling prices cut@ljmilman like, super hard.I would just like to thank @erinscafe for the story because it made me happy 😂
Retweeted by Erin FaulkIn case anyone is wondering what an $8.73 engagement ring looks like, it's the fancy one. cc: @JoeUchill http://t.co/Wc6ZMQ9nRf@JoeUchill I have it somewhere. Let me look.Fuck that shit.God won't forgive you for taking out a student loan to get your MRS degree.So ladies. Remember. Lie. Just a little. God will forgive you.Because let's be real. If it was a legit study group, I was gonna do all the work. If not, I was gonna let a guy down.Any time a guy invited me to a "study group," I flashed the ring.@IamErikRussel grew up mormon sorryI bought one at Wal-Mart. It was $8.73. I wore it the rest of the year.Most importantly, the lesson I learned was this: if you go to BYU, wear an engagement ring.And 3. You really don't want me raising your kids. Hope you found a conservative woman who's a lady on the streets but a freak in the bed.2. I married the presbyterian, sorry. He's funny, and he's okay with me being weird and that perm was totally hot.1. Cross country skiing is really hard. I've never done it again. Just thought you should know.But James, if you're out there, three things.I literally never spoke to him again.@erinscafe I'd like to think that he's following you on twitter and reflecting on your babysitting tales while reading this tweet.
Retweeted by Erin FaulkAnd I said "oh. well. I'm really bad at this shit. But it's for the best. You definitely don't want me raising your children."And he said "I just know that we're meant to be together. Why don't you know?"And I'm the worst person in the world, because I stared at him. Horrified. And I said "why are you crying."And he started crying. I'm not making this up.And I said, wait what, no, it totally counts. I mean, I'm no expert but it counts.And he said, "but he's not Mormon. I didn't think it counted."So we went skiing. And when we got back...he professed his love for me. And I was like...dude...I have a boyfriend.And I thought cool, he wants to go hang out. What could be more platonic than cross country skiing.Cross country skiing is literally the least romantic sport. It's all grunting and sweating and not going anywhere.And finally, my good friend, who I thought was just a friend, invited me to go cross country skiing.@abba_ks yeah, total plot twist@BKBlick afterWhen I got there, his roommate informed me that he'd been suspended for selling rohypnol, but that he was really into me.A friend asked me to get dinner with him at the cafeteria. I was super stoked, because I needed friends at BYU.Hasn't really improved actually. RT @SelienFr: @erinscafe you were a bit awkward in college weren't you?He said "you have beautiful eyes" and I said "yeah no there's a huge birthmark in one that's kind of freaky also I have a boyfriend."Second time, I was taken out for froyo and I said "aren't we supposed to be doing our comparative government homework?"I literally said, "oh wait, is this a date?" And he said, "do you want it to be?" And I said "no." And he said "uh oh okay then no."So. First time I joined a "study group," I ended up at an improv night for the campus sketch comedy team. You guys.Stay moral, go oral. RT @IamErikRussel: @erinscafe Can you clarify the oral sex policy3. I agreed to join "study groups" which, without fail, turned out to be awkward one-on-one dates.@insomniacslounj yes2. I said I was "dating" a "presbyterian." This made me a "bad girl." No really. Guys were so intrigued.@jesseberney dude good point@erinscafe 1. Not marrying a Romney.
Retweeted by Erin FaulkMistake #1: I said I was "dating" someone. In the Mormon culture, you're either married or not. Dating means very little. I was fair game.That's pretty much it. It took me weeks to realize this was the deal. So I made several mistakes.@OldManWestler um it was@CowlonFullerton probablyAnd 2. Back from my mission I need to get laid so bad will you marry me really any girl will do.1. Pre-mission, 18 years old, I want to have fun, but not so much fun I'm barred from going on my mission.At BYU, you have two types of single guys.So I went to a lot of "singles" activities my freshman year. My boyfriend was 8 hours away, and my friends needed a wing man.YES. Not even joking. RT @AudaxOceana: @erinscafe did you have square dances, too? I had to go to those.
8/20
2014
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