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Fred Beukema @beukema Minneapolis, MN

Struct Eng, Improv, husband/dad. || You may think that you crave true love, but it is not a game for cowards. Neither is Scrabble. - Onion horoscopes

190 Following   385 Followers   4,086 Tweets

Joined Twitter 5/3/09

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@fivemanjob What's in the baaaaaahx?@johnmoe @mikefotis @wits You've really captured Mike's love of Jackie Onassis.@ShowXImprov Fun fact: can be sung to the tune of Hernando’s Hideaway.We're all on welfare, dumbass, or do you somehow pay extra at the the grocery store to offset farm subsidies?
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
4/21
2015
Is there a bigger waste of time than policing enthusiasm? http://t.co/wMxlEXV6fu
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
4/20
2015
Before geek/hipster men Columbused them, "life hacks" were called "household hints" and were considered women's fluff. #knowyoursexism
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaTNGT! TMBG! http://t.co/JVFcvnVJTA
4/18
2015
@MyLittleBloggie That whole corner will be in trouble. Cut off by macy’s and now this.Don't forget that @turbotax is the only reason you need @turbotax. http://t.co/AI5jbTxPDk http://t.co/DzMG5PSCge
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
4/17
2015
@RobinKimball This trailer is better filmmaking and storytelling than any of the prequels.I love how all our reactions to the Star Wars trailer are those of a cautious, feral animal who fears human touch, yet yearns to love again.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaThis is a better shot than anything in the last three Star Wars movies http://t.co/cMk7vaoVds
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
4/16
2015
@tanehisicoates Having read and loved Ragtime at your recommendation, I have Forever War queued up on the to-read shelf. Thanks!@LarsenOnFilm @filmspotting TenenbaumsA property tax exemption alone is too much for any proposed MLS stadium. Taxable development will soon exist there. Don't screw this up.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@section_sign Any idea what features our licenses lack?
4/15
2015
@dbrauer Sigh.Privilege: When you get pulled over and your biggest concern is your insurance going up, not "If I'm not careful I could be shot and killed"
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@GailSimone Jason Todd's underwear, to remind him of his greatest failure..@MnDPS_MSP Google Maps doesn't qualify as a GPS navigation device under the MN Code? https://t.co/ec6wdXePgM@jillybee72 @MetroTransitMN https://t.co/TAgZXesAKu@MetroTransitMN NexTrip screen at Union Depot bus platform is down.
4/14
2015
Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts. Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia. Game of Thrones fans: Nope I'm good.
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaAirport pianist playing Dark Side of the Moon: just what I needed.Okay, okay. Get your idealism out of your system now so you don't bring it with you when you fill out your ballot in 2016.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@AlyssaRosenberg Mangnoring
4/13
2015
@Justin_Stangel @richsommer Read this as "boners". Probably still works.Each of you in MN that just spent an hour arguing about Democratic presidential candidates—now spend 99 hours helping state house candidates
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@chris_steller @dbrauer Better Brooks than Friedman, I suppose. #smallvictories@thegynomite His eyebrows really were amazing this whole scene.
4/12
2015
@drewgmackie Years back, a comedy bit at a local Con (w/ Gaiman present) used the phrase, "Kneel, gamin," referencing a street urchin.@dbrauer We’ve seen concrete schedules/costs dilate on a lot of our jobs bc of Vikings stad and a couple big industrial projects up north.@kumailn @soniasaraiya incidentally, Sonia’s writing is generally great, and Sonia should check out @thexfilesfiles.@kumailn Dang. Sonia Sariya is typically pretty solid. This is uncharacteristic.@HBOGOhelp This worked. Thank you! Just in time.
4/11
2015
on Vox Dull: this Guardian moderator deserves a bonus :) http://t.co/lCk5UP1sLL
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@anildash https://t.co/uAilCUHI5P With a hat tip to @vivekvenugopal.Imagine if Obama ever acted the way Rand Paul regularly does with the press just one time.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@AlyssaRosenberg I'd started a mental list when they managed to bring back Janos, Polliver, and Dontos last year after big gaps.@AlyssaRosenberg Inspired by your mentioning the actor who plays Lancel Lannister, I made a nerdy thing over lunch: https://t.co/vB91EejLsj@ccolin And, for that matter, Game of Thrones.Psst, journos. Early April snow is not unusual in Minnesota. Settle down.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@fivemanjob They know they're not wanted. "But look! We're ridiculous! Yay!"@section_sign Engineers & Architects (as of this year) have 2 every 2. In your face, LAW!
4/10
2015
Ok, now I’m convinced that David Lynch is publicly negotiating with Showtime. https://t.co/bGBRdAHkQP@MyLittleBloggie Hah. A good chaser.@MyLittleBloggie at least had some interest in the difference between holding power and governing. 3/3@MyLittleBloggie politics as a merits-of-policy-free sport. I say this as someone who did enjoy the show for what it was. Final season 2/@MyLittleBloggie Oh, I certainly agree with that much. But I do think HoC reinforces the way much of cable news, for instance, covers 1/@MyLittleBloggie on the merits of this argument, though, I’d argue he’s right.America, where a cop shoots a guy in the back and plants a weapon on him *on video* and we're like "Is he gonna get convicted....?"
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4/8
2015
@jillybee72 it just wants to be as unpredictable as its big cousin Excel.@Janellie23 You must be in the vicinity of the old Boulevard Theater!@ItsTheBrandi @section_sign Show them 538's chart illustrating the Pauls' public statements vs their voting records: http://t.co/REpSmX2Lms
4/7
2015
Haven't decided what stories I'm gonna tell at @hugetheater, tonight. You coming? http://t.co/Ich7RAwdSU
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@Greenspeak Not if you spend most of your time anywhere near Oakland. Blackout rules apply.If your friends or coworkers have kids in Mpls schools take note it's post Spring Break & they've likely been yelled at this AM.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
4/6
2015
#Ferguson vs #Kentucky. This is what #WhitePrivilege looks like. http://t.co/l7D6cp7iTU
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaIt's crazy-making that every drought story doesn't begin with the sentence "80% of CA's water, which is priced near zero, is used by farms."
Retweeted by Fred BeukemaDad: feel bad 4 ur generation, u'll never afford property, never have a pension Me: Can we talk about how ur generation did this? Dad: ...no
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
4/5
2015
@MtACast BreastBeaker is the worst Muppet.@beukema actuallyight have been 122ITB. Whichever one’s being driven by a white lady with corn rows.Hey MN 188ITB, passing on the right in a disappearing lane because you wish you’d prevented my merging makes you a bad driver.
4/4
2015
i like to encourage women to love themselves because we're exhorted from birth not to. literally: http://t.co/QSnrHijrly
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@ClackyJ I'm sick of storylines centering around whether your tote bag is going to prison for murder.
4/3
2015
@section_sign I am honestly not sure how to parse their position.@dbrauer I would criticize casting this guy in a film as a jerk cop as being on-the-nose. His head shot screams "paid administrative leave."
4/1
2015
Hey @facebook iOS, why let me number the order of photo uploads if you’re just going to stick them in the album however you like?They should do a sequel to Mad Men called Better Call Sally
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
3/31
2015
@iglvzx @leighalexander Someone tell Leigh's gamer BF she doesn't date gamers.@aric How much do you *really* want to eat this? Well ok, but you're going to have to take an air break to do it.Why if it isn't little Stevie Wonder, getting his shop on at The Wedge before tonight's @TargetCenterMN show! http://t.co/t1A55x6dEm
Retweeted by Fred Beukemathere is no one THE LAST MAN ON EARTH hates more than Phil Miller
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
3/30
2015
Teen forced to spend the rest of their life paying for the mistakes of previous generations, who despise them for it #VeryRealisticYA
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@XboxSupport Thx for reply. Are there steps for 360? Don't think the "Deactivate" step is available on 360.@XboxSupport @HBOGOhelp Tried deleting the app and all data, reinstalling. No dice. Getting anxious with Game of Thrones S5 coming. Help?@XboxSupport @HBOGOhelp Been getting a "Request timeout" error on my 360 for a couple weeks. No outage, everything else works incl Go on PC.
3/29
2015
@MyLittleBloggie As the father of a prolific 4-year-old artist, this idea terrifies me. #somanytrains@AdamLevyGanesha Somewhere downtown? Headed there on Sunday, will have to keep an eye out.@fivemanjob What's the App? Does it have access to send SMS texts?@fivemanjob That sounds handy. Each time I try anything besides dictate a text, I want to sit down for a conference w/ Siri's designers.@fivemanjob Much of the time, Siri is worse than useless.So we gave a billionaire a stadium for free and we get the privilege of paying to pave the sidewalks? MN voters are the stupidest ever.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@kellyoxford Or that band in Jabba the Hutt’s palace.
3/27
2015
Imagine your biggest problem in life being that gay people want to pay for your services.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@ShawnElliott They aren't uniform -- is... is there some unfortunate... person typing these?@jayrosen_nyu Weirdly, after coming back another day, all the AP links now work. Maybe an employer-IT-side issue. Thanks.@kumailn Submitted without comment. https://t.co/F9M4dSpZIVI have made peace with the fact that early spring is a lot like late winter, and has done wonders for my mental well-being.
Retweeted by Fred Beukema@tvoti Watched 2011 as research for stage adaptation of 1982. Unnecessary; CG effects oppose 82′s sensibility; enjoyable enough though.US praises US ally for bombing US-equipped militia aligned with US foe who is partnering with US to fight another US-equipped militia
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
3/26
2015
@gamespite Congratulations! My wife and I had our first date ten years ago this week, too.@Hellendrung Prove me wrong, governments to which I pay taxes! Do the opposite of what you've done every other time!@Hellendrung @MLS @MNUnitedFC Oh, and please don't make us all pay for your stadium, also, too.@CorChristiansen Remarkable.@CorChristiansen trying to find a link to this; can you point me that way?@jayrosen_nyu The AP link takes me to this: http://t.co/fNHJHeZtp9@jayrosen_nyu Link doesn't seem to be accessible to civilians.New opportunity for a Civil Engineer in our aviation group http://t.co/riOk3CSCim
Retweeted by Fred Beukema
3/25
2015
@ccolin Thankfully I thought @theofficenbc was a terrible idea & a mangling of a favorite show. Wrong about that; right about that evening.
3/24
2015
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