UNFETTERED AND UNFILTERED FAKE CHARLIE STRONG
You can lead an o-lineman to a nutritious diet of proteins & complex carbohydrates but you can't make him stop crying literally all the timeGot another db from South Oak Cliff wherever that is. Boom. #HUZZAH.“@tkg1600: @ChuckFnStrong The coin toss is always a win-win for the Aggies! http://t.co/AFfZN19Ym3” Look who wearing a loose fit shirt.“@Parson007: @ChuckFnStrong Do you endorse this product? http://t.co/rOVdgWd4Nf” I don't even know what that is some type of sex toy ?
Darren Sprolts is like Daje except you know not suspended for being Daje
.@TexAgs well whatever this is has hatched send vaccines http://t.co/egEI8rn4sgThat big old Swoop came up to me and said coach what do you think I should major in and I said pharmacy because you can throw the pill.“@Banter: Hey do you have an email we can reach you at? We would love to discuss some partnership opportunities with you.” I am married..“@kacaliendo: @ChuckFnStrong Coach, can you give me a scouting report on bye week?” The enemy of my enemy is my friend think about thatTwitter please call Google ask for research on amnesia I can't remember last 24 hours.“@BillBurrell68: @ChuckFnStrong how you feeling today Coach?” Good I broke my current best in dead lift this morning.“@JustusSummers: @ChuckFnStrong response? http://t.co/rowUjzoXHr” Apology accepted.
.“@CameronCantrell: @ChuckFnStrong I want my tuition back.” Are you majoring in coin-flip strategy.“@OhItsTuffy: @ChuckFnStrong what are your plans after starting 1-2?” Drink a smoothie/contemplate.“@kristiwright: how close are you to suspending all these reporters at this press conference?” Vein exploded in my forehead stay awake.“@TexBornNRaised8: @ChuckFnStrong how are you tweeting and doing a post game conference at the same time!?” MultitaskingI apologize that Mack Browns did not teach his players how to respond to "defer" at the coin toss.I turn around to bust out a few dozen push-ups and wha happenSwoop there it isWe have the most well-rested offense in the big 12 so.“@Williamehl: @ChuckFnStrong any trick plays up those sleeves” No just pipesIf you call a pass play longer than 15 yards a baby angel explodes and I ain't in the exploding baby angel business.“@PridefulTexan74: @ChuckFnStrong Coach what's your game plan for the 2nd half?” Not that.“@Skyllar: @ChuckFnStrong is so happy” No that is a lie smiling is a reflex I do when I smell blood.“@ducks05: @ChuckFnStrong what protein did you feed Swoopes this week?” Mako shark testicles.“@chrisRmag: @ChuckFnStrong you got some nice moves bro. Where did you learn those?” ChurchSwoop.“@taylorlevesque: I might be crazy for asking this: why did we decide to give UCLA the ball to start both halves?” Wanted to make it fairWhat just happened oh yeah we came back to tie the game okay can we end now we had a good showingJim Morah was the littlest partridge boy
FYI I ran to Arlington and I'm personally guaranteeing a win this seasonI have selected a white long sleeve mock turtleneck.@CoachSumlin Hey Sumblin you aren't going to need that Kyler Murray I will give you any 10 players and Red McComb pls trade.“@TacoFetus: @ChuckFnStrong Do you even know where Estonia is?” South of Norman OklahomaIf you said Charlie guess where Lubbock is located I would probably guess Estonia.“@cbradleyf: @ChuckFnStrong Harlingen, Arlington same thing” Harlingen is the old English pronunciation of Arlington duhWhen I suspended Daje I did not know we would be so bad.“@aaitsjohnny: @ChuckFnStrong would you ever wear a bill Cosby styled sweater to coach a game in.” No I'd wear a Quan Cosby style sweaterWe are almost to Harlingen, TX where we will face the Golden Bearcats of UCLA come out and support
That UCLA QB Brent Humley better watch out because our D gonna cover him in sacks wait a second twitter delete thatThat Mike Tomblin looks like a super angry old Sumblin but I know Sumblin doesn't get angry he's always smiling like a little old red pandaToday I gave Dylan Haine a pep talk I was like hey man you're a lot like Troy Popamolou bc you both play safety & have white first names so.“@longhornlori: @ChuckFnStrong Hi, Coach. About to watch Manny _iaz and company play the foosball. Any advice?” Change the channel
.“@Taylor_UT: .@ChuckFnStrong Were you responsible for this coach? http://t.co/6OT3HjucTV” he was responsible for me if you think about it.“@WoodshedGary: heard u added a walkon QB. U scouting the intramural fields for o-line?” Intramural guys don't want to leave they teamsThose Aggie say saw off Bevo horns why would you do that he can't defend himself he's a cow.“@Just_callmeAl: @ChuckFnStrong which mighty duck is your favorite?” Sometimes I wonder what you people are even talking aboutIs Liam Neesons really an assassin is he like Bear Gryllts and it's all real but he has a camera crew.@UCLACoachMora Hey Coach Morah what if we just played defense against defense I mean what if
.“@oconnor9sean: . @ChuckFnStrong @LonghornBand I've been trying to convince the directors to let us rip the sleeves off our jackets.” DO IT.@LonghornBand need you to play El Deguello.“@TexAgs: .@ChuckFnStrong we found this on our board's Horn Meltdown Thread. When was this taken?? http://t.co/zNl8lAPDkP” IS THAT REALPpl say Charlie is culture change hard & I say what I'm doing isn't culture change it's culture genocide which is harder but more permanent
The players were shocked when I didn't give out awards this week & I was shocked they were shocked & I just want to light it all on fireI wish UCLA luck this weekend Bob Toledo is a great coachRan the players this morning. One puked up cake batter..“@Just_callmeAl: @ChuckFnStrong Why do you button all your buttons?” The shirt comes with them so I button them I try not to waste.“@DavidGreenstone: @ChuckFnStrong can you dismiss Romo?” Let's just say if his name was Antwan Romo he'd already be dismissed
Made delicious chicken Parmesan for the family tonight http://t.co/dyjdfXMI0vI have dismissed Ray Rice from the Ravens you're welcome who's next.@RayRice27 you just broke a core valueThe delicate point I am making right now in my press conference is that these players still little bitches.“@givensmuchd: @ChuckFnStrong it's spreading like that land o lakes http://t.co/eW3BHw2cHS” Good job but do all buttons next time.Bopeep TalibMy wife says I have to watch downtown Abbie and I say no thanks I don't need to see another documentary on the Amish
.@TexAgs I planted tomatoes but these look like apples are they apples if so I'm gonna be pissed http://t.co/iI7j1JnhwFIt took Jesus and his disciples 85 years to build the pyramids I'm going to need at least that long to right this program.“@DavidGreenstone: @ChuckFnStrong coach, what would you say to someone who said that they wanted Mack back?" I would say hello Red McComb.“@Cash_Rules_: @ChuckFnStrong WTF happened in the 2nd Half?” I think we angered Carnassus, the Mormon God of war and feasts.@NCAA I have not checked but I want to file a grievance if that Taysomes Hill was actually wearing underpants with magic powersI would never say that old Mack left the cupboard bare but when I opened it a there was a tic-tac and a land-o-lakes butter wrapper.WHY IS A CANON GOING OFF I DONT UNDERSTAND EVERYBODY LEAVE THE STADIUM UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIEOkay that's my bad too because I heard that golf gloves were more supple than football gloves so that fumble is on meI call timeout until next weekI am gonna go blend up a kale smoothie can I get you guys anythingSomeone tell me how the offense looked in the first halfTaysom Hills look like the highlanderHaving the players cover themselves in coco butter was a bad idea.“@jtotheizzoe: Coach, can I get a shout-out to my father-in-law for his bday? He bleeds orange.” OK but blood is red he should see a doctorWhat kind of name is Taysom anyway sounds like a anti gas medicine
In fairness, these guys all have retirement plans already soFYI swoop doesn't have shoulder pads on.“@johnny_323: @ChuckFnStrong Can you dismiss Lowell Galindo?” Is that a type of box wine.“@BarkingCarnival: No Texas Longhorns have been released, removed, expelled, ejected, drummed out or banned today.” Day still young.This a revenge game for Dylan Haines because he was a Mormon until they kicked him out for going commando at churchWhen Joseph Smith met the ghost who told him to be a Mormon he said no but the ghost lift his cloak 2 show a rip sleeve polo & Smith goes ok.“@kyle_a_williams: @ChuckFnStrong who are these guys? whey r they in DKR? http://t.co/tpqABJqiG8” Don't worry they'll be dead soon..“@joelwilsonmusic: @ChuckFnStrong why did you fire Ron Washington from the #Rangers?” Crack don't crack.People say Charlie don't you know Mormon are polygamists and I say if that is a fancy word for a spread offense I'm not concernedKicked a player off the team for stealing video game systems & I'm like what's a video game is it where you throw VHS tapes through a hoop
“@bobcat_180: @ChuckFnStrong Coach are we going to see you wearing a ripped sleeved polo during the BYU game?” RSPs for fans onlyI need 100,000 more fans just like this http://t.co/GK88KtywgwI said hey Swoop what do u need to get pumped for your 1st start & he looked at me with that cheshyr cat smile and said: Ripped Sleeve PolosPeople say Charlie why are you so confident about that Swoop and I say wouldn't you be if you had a QB built like Serenas WilliamThe Swoopening.“@runnertyler: Are u suspending all your players to make it fair for the other teams?” No it's bc they act like they at rehab at hard rockThe eyes of Texas are upon you all the live long day the eyes of Texas are upon you you cannot get away from Ced Reed.@ninjawarrior when is your squat/deadlift competition do you provide bike pants